You look like a traveler

Jul 17, 2016
3 min read

"You look like a traveler" remarks the Greyhound driver as I seamlessly maneuver my bag from back to arm to the tray of the luggage hold on the bus bound for New York City. "Thanks, I guess I am, I've been doing this for months". As I write, I'm coming up to almost 3 months since I left my job as a waitress in Edinburgh for a life spent catching countless greyhound buses across the United States. A life of sleeping on couches. A life spent wandering aimlessly around cities I've never heard of and those seen whilst gazing over maps. A life of adventure and all the ups and downs that come with it. As I reflect on the last few months, I'm aware of how much I've grown and changed. Both physically and mentally. And to be fair, if I hadn't on this journey of mine, I'd be worried. It's a far cry from the girl who had to sit on the floor of Dublin airport in an attempt to transfer her bag from floor to form. And an even further cry from the girl who once stated that she could never travel alone.

Instead of simply being kissed by the sun, I have been enveloped in its passionate embrace. I compare the contrast in colour of my stomach to my legs and arms and struggle to recall a world where I was so peely wally.

I look at my legs, my stomach, my arms, my face and it's evident I've lost weight. There are bones protruding from where I've never known bones to protrude before. As my bag grows larger, I grow smaller. Aimless wandering in the sweltering sun has taken its toll. Solo travelling has been equal parts easy and difficult. Whilst most days feel like the most liberating and freeing experience, there will be days where I feel lonely, lost and seeking company. A day where I wish there would be someone else on this journey with me to simply look after my backpack whilst I use the restroom or to keep watch whilst I sleep in the bus station. But for the most part, solo travelling has been a wonderful experience and the relationships I've formed, journey I've taken and lessons I've learned would be undoubtedly different if I'd traveled with another person. I've learned where my strengths lie and that I am stronger than I've given myself credit for in the past. I've learned things about myself I wasn't aware of with the safety blanket of my comfortable life in Scotland. I've learned more about who I am, what I love, who I love and what I enjoy doing. In short, I've become more acquainted with myself. I've learned to be patient. I've spent countless hours waiting. Waiting for couch surfing hosts to finish work and let me into their homes, for greyhound buses to continue their journey after breaking down, for replies to messages when I need them. I've learned to be trusting. To follow my gut and trust both others and my own interpretation of the world around me. To trust myself and my abilities. I've learned to be loving. To tell people I appreciate them. To be vulnerable and wear my heart on my sleeve. To be grateful, be thankful, be present.

I've learned to accept the things I cannot change. I can't change the past, I can't predict the future but I can embrace the present and do so with as much positivity and optimism as I can muster. After being denied a 6 month tourist Visa back in February, I was crushed. I spent the first couple of weeks of my time in the United States wondering what I was missing out on, feeling constricted by time limits. Wondering what adventures I could be on if I only had a couple more months under my belt. As my time in the United States is drawing to a close, I've made peace with getting denied a 6 month Visa. This journey has been serendipitous. The connections I've made with new friends, the strengthening of friendships with old friends and the adventures I've had boil down to timing. I know if I'd had more (or less) time, my journey would be completely different; I wouldn't trade any of it. This traveler is content, sitting on a broken down bus halfway between Harrisburg and New York City.